Why do people get such a hard-on for frogfish? Why do I get a hard-on for frogfish? Maybe Sigmund Freud took those answers to the grave with him, yet there is still an undefined attraction with this most alienesque of species. For those of us infected with the bug, it is a journey full of euphoric highs and financial lows.
This metaphorical hard-on can be pleasured and stimulated in a few different ways. One of the easiest is Facebook and Instagram.
This is where those of us with Frogfish-itis can get our fill for our fetish. Posting, commenting and hitting that like button. We even have groups where talking about anything other than frogfish is strictly forbidden! We drool over these shameless, provocative models as they pose in some of the most revealing positions. Our condition pairs exceptionally well with the occasional shot of dopamine, that amplifies once a photo crosses the 37 likes barrier!
High on Dopamine for a week!
However, just like human intercourse, there is no substitute for the real thing.....yet! This is where us frogfishians can get a little crazy. You think crack is expensive? Do you know how much it costs to fly from Europe to Asia to do a week of diving? Makes crack look like its priced for the McValue menu.
Scuba diving .... not just a gateway drug for nitrogen narcosis but also a highway to something much more destructive. You probably don’t understand how many poor middle class kids this creates as a result of their parents spending all their inheritance! And of course, why would you?
It’s under documented by the big media companies. They pretend that this pandemic, that has been around well before Covid-19, doesn't even exist. It is beyond tragic.
Scuba Diving is our method of choice to suffice our appetite. Sure, some of us just buy aquariums, but these synthetic interactions don’t cut it for most. Even before we get below the water, most of us can’t stop the itch. Without hesitation we start poking and prodding other divers who have most recently got their dose. Asking where, when, how many, what color and so on….. We don’t want to leave this to chance, we absolutely can’t afford missing out on our medicine.
Some of us even have our dealer of choice. An inside man, if you may, who knows where to find what we so deeply desire. We often request to only have one supplier, our loyalty is crucial. We often find that a “local” seems to have the best connections. Their known as dive guides, but to us they’re dealers, getting us that pure uncut dose of the good stuff.
Once we get under the water, things can get messy. Some of us loose our sense of direction, mesmerized by the possibilities of what can be. Sometimes those previous addicts have provided us with detailed treasure map that leads directly to the area where a frogfish has last been seen. Holy shit! Now there is pressure mounting. Not from the depth, but the anticipated embarrassment that is sure to follow, resulting from our inability to find that fish.
Have you ever found a frogfish and reacted like Tiger Woods sinking the final putt on the 18th hole on a Sunday to Win the tournament by one stroke? If you haven’t, then you just can’t understand. When we finally find one of these species or variations that has been high up on our lists for so long, the emotions felt are only comparable to those of great victory. Super serious high fiving, fist bumps, arms in the air like Lance Armstrong crossing the finishing.
Now don’t be fooled by all the smoke and mirrors. There are as well a few “Lance Amstrongs” among us. Catching frogfishes and relocating them so they can find them again with ease. Others completely disecting them in Photoshop, like an Instagram model erasing their cellulite. The sad truth is that, either most of us don’t care or we don’t notice…. Regardless we still take the photo or hit the Like button.
Capturing the moment is at the peak of euphoria for those of us affected by this syndrome. What’s better than looking at photo of a naked lady? TAKING a photo of a naked lady (or vice versa if you’re a lady, or however you want to mix that up, if your LGBTQ….we do our best to avoid gender specificity here at Planetlenz!)…. Frogfish are no exception! And whats better than taking a photo of one frogfish? Maybe a couple about to get it on or maybe an inter-species scenario.... That pleases us very much. We take so many shots of these little critters that there are strong considerations to create an association similar to the N.R.A. We are possessed by the possibility of the perfect shot, even though we know it doesn’t exist. It is our dragon that we never going to be able to catch.
So why Frogfish?
If you got shit on your arm, would you wipe it off with a piece of paper?….of course not. So then why do most of us use toilet paper to wipe shit off of our asses? Because it’s just something we learned. We can’t justify it, even though there might be better alternatives.....we just do it.
Frogfishery is no different. We don’t question it. There is no single phrase or word to define the condition of our affliction. Our infatuation with them is immeasurable, non-quantifiable and undefinable. To outsiders it can sometimes seem unjustified, and we are completely OK with that! Our love for Frogfish, simply is, what it is.
But don’t feel bad for us. Be cautious of us. Even though we may not have been born this way, we have found the light. Just like a Mormon passing along their message in the middle of Africa, we too are trying to show people the righteous way. So forget your next trip to see whale sharks and mantas, that’s some bunk smoke. Come get down with us on that AAAA top shelf premium gateway stuff, Frogfish.